Getting engaged is an incredible milestone—congratulations! It’s a season full of joy, celebration, and big dreams for the future. But it’s also the perfect time to lay the foundation for something even more important than the wedding day: a thriving, lasting marriage.
As a relationship counselor, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside countless couples—from those preparing for their “I do’s” to those navigating decades of shared life. And one thing is clear: the most successful relationships are built on intentional conversations early on. Think of it as a roadmap to your very own “happily ever after.”
Here are five essential talks to have with your partner before you walk down the aisle:
1. Prioritize Daily Connection
The happiest couples make time for each other—every single day. It doesn’t have to be dramatic or lengthy; a simple 20-minute ritual at the start or end of your day can work wonders. No phones, no distractions—just the two of you checking in emotionally, talking through your days, or even sharing a quiet cup of coffee.
These micro-moments of connection build emotional intimacy and remind you that, no matter how busy life gets, your relationship comes first. Start this habit now, and you’ll have a secret weapon against stress and disconnection in the years ahead.
2. Get Curious About Each Other—Always
Even after you’re engaged, your partner can’t read your mind. That’s why open, honest communication is everything. Don’t assume they know what you want or need—tell them. And better yet, ask them about themselves, too.
Build what relationship experts call “love maps”: the mental scrapbook of your partner’s world. What makes them laugh? What’s their biggest fear? Their dream vacation? These little details matter, especially when life throws curveballs. Stay curious. Keep asking questions. Never stop learning about each other.
3. Talk About Sex (Yes, Really)
Let’s be honest—sex is a big part of romantic connection, and it’s worth talking about before you get married. It may feel awkward at first, but being able to speak openly about your desires, boundaries, and expectations sets the stage for a much healthier intimate life together.
If you’re finding it hard to “find the time,” schedule it! While that might not sound sexy, intentionality often leads to better connection. And if the conversation feels tricky, consider seeing a couples therapist who can help guide you through it. Great sex isn’t just about physical chemistry—it’s about emotional safety and shared understanding.
4. Face Finances Together
Money can either be a major stressor—or a source of strength in your relationship. Now’s the time to have the talk. Be honest about your financial habits, debts, savings, and goals. No secrets, no shame.
Here are a few conversation starters:
- Are you a saver or a spender?
- How should we split financial responsibilities?
- What’s your approach to debt?
- What do we each value when it comes to money?
- How do we want to handle big expenses or investments?
- What does retirement planning look like for us?
You don’t have to have all the answers right away. But getting on the same page early is one of the best gifts you can give your future selves.
5. Love Them As They Are, Not Who You Want Them to Be
As psychologist Dan Wile puts it, “When you choose a partner, you choose a particular set of problems.” In other words, no one is perfect—and that’s okay. You’re not marrying a project. You’re marrying a person.
Many couples get tripped up trying to change each other’s habits or “fix” quirks they find annoying. But real love means acceptance. Yes, growth is possible. And yes, some behaviors need honest, respectful discussion. But your partner’s essence—their values, their temperament, their ways of being—deserve to be seen and loved as they are.
Final Thought
Getting engaged isn’t just about choosing flower arrangements and venues. It’s about choosing each other, every day, for a lifetime. These five conversations won’t guarantee a perfect marriage (nothing can), but they will set you up for a relationship rooted in trust, intimacy, and mutual understanding.
And that’s worth more than the most stunning wedding day.
